On Irish Catholicism

Only in an Irish Catholic household do you:

- See more statuary and holy pictures than are contained in St. Peter's Basilica, but hear such gems as "Sweet Jesus Christ on a cracker!", "Christ on skates" and "God in garters!" on a daily basis.

- Have to go to Mass every Sunday and have to listen to your parents whoop it up all night every Saturday night.

- Have a mother who will surely burn the house down some day lighting holy candles at the same time she scorns all fundamentalist Chrstians as an "ignorant and superstitious bunch".

- Live with people who don't see why the doctrine of Transubstantiation, the Virgin Birth, the Mystery of the Trinity, Banshees, the Sidhe, Cuchulain's Hound and the Green Man are necessarily mutually exclusive concepts.

- Understand that it is a mortal sin for a young unmarried girl to let a boy go beyond a chaste kiss but only if he's another Catholic, whom you would lead into danger of losing his immortal soul -- those Prot boyos are fair game and you can learn a lot, and there's always Confession after.

- Have an uncle who blesses you with holy water every time you walk in his house, and who has a stack of betting slips, unpaid traffic tickets, medical bills and court summonses neatly stacked under his statue of the Infant of Prague

- Have an aunt who turns the statue of the Infant of Prague to face the wall when prayers go unanswered, "until little Himself learns to mind His manners"

- Happen to be related to half the Police Department and Fire Department, and bless yourself every time you hear a siren not just because the nuns taught you that but because one of your cousins is probably driving the rig.